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Journal Entry - January 13 2012

January 13, 2012 (Salvaged from Bebo journal)


I’ve been quiet for a while...

The photo was taken the day before Ronnie died.

With deep respect and loss, I shall leave me wife to say it for me...

Let me tell you about Ronnie’s chemo-buddy, a bright pink dragon with white stitched hearts all over him? name? Flaming Fred.

Since the moment I unpacked the stuffed thing, Ronnie claimed him as his own. And I guess Fred liked the situation, over the last six months Fred never left Ronnie’s side, whether at home, in the hospital, to a plethora of appointments for radiation and chemo and finally at the hospice Fred was there.

At times being crushed in frail hands as the drugs caused spasms of pain race through Ronnie, other times, puked on, tossed onto a cold floor during a seizure, forgotten in the corner as the staff worked to stabilize my son. But once the drama was over, Ronnie would ask for Fred and be cuddled close? murmurs of apology for poor Fred’s suffering.

Once Ronnie was settled, Fred curled in his arms, Ronnie would sleep. Poor Fred was tossed around, between Ronnie and his brother and Fred accepted it silently and gladly as Ronnie’s pale laugh filled the room. Fred moved with Ronnie to the hospice where he sat silent vigil against Ronnie’s chest, watching out for bad dreams and evil nurses who woke his boy often to medicate him against the pain Fred couldn’t ease.

Fred has kissed every nurse in the hospice and the oncology wing of the hospital? some many times. Once I was awakened at 3am because Fred had been left behind during Ronnie’s mad dash to the ER, sleepy and in the burning cold, I got up and took the dragon to be with his master where he was joyfully received.

Now he sits alone on a shelf, his coat a bit ragged and his hearts slightly grey from constant spins in the laundry to keep him clean enough to be in the deepest warrens of the hospital where most toys cannot go.

He knows what the MRI machine sounds like, and the smell of chemo drugs, the sting of a needle and the taste of tears? He’s seen the face of a death he could not protect against.

So he rests, his work is done.

R.I.P Ronald William Dunn March 7th, 1991 to Dec. 20th 2011... Ronnie lost his battle with cancer.

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