tardis_mole's Journal

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I'm an author, besides other things, I turned professional in 1982 and became a poet in 2000. I love movies (not horror), music (not jazz) and books (anything), but my first true love is Doctor Who. I've led an unimportant life, mostly uninteresting apart from the interesting bits. I grew up in a mixed-ethnic and mixed-religious family. I am NOT mixed race - there is only one race; the human race.

I have been married three times. My first husband (who I chose for myself, My-bad) was an abusive self-absorbed arrogant ego, who expected to be the center of every thing. And when he wasn't there was hell to pay. He left me for another man (thank God). And if someone steals your spouse, the best revenge is to let them keep them. So I did.

My second husband was my angel, it was arranged for me as is our custom. He was murdered in 2001 and I am still coming to terms with that. I remarried a cousin, which is standard thing to do in our culture when we are widowed. She left me in 2007. Divorce will be finalised in January 2012. I still miss her.

I went through university to train as a doctor of medicine, but left when what we were asked to do contravened my religious beliefs, the Hippocratic Oath and any basic level of ethics. Someone finally made the practice illegal several years later, but the scars of what I saw remain with me to this day.

I switched to history just months before I was due to qualify, even though I did finish the final year in the field. I have a degree in Ancient History and British History, and a PHD in Anthropology and genetics. And the things I have seen make me truly humble. The things mankind has done to itself in the name of religion defy humanity and logic.

I was born with a degenerative genetic inherited disorder called Kleppel Feil. It affects the skull, spine, heart, ribs and kidneys. It also causes scoliosis and deformities of the brain including a weakness in the blood vessels. I have had, to date, nine strokes. The next could kill me. The first stroke swarm in 1999 destroyed my memory, and left me with a 12 year gap, and partial paralysis down one side. I can no longer work, due to my illness. I have never lived a single day of my life without pain.

While I was working on a genetics project years ago I discovered something odd about myself - my samples did not match. I thought that was weird and moved on. I then decided, after being beaten and verbally abused all my life for being 'weird', that I needed answers as to why my father and my first husband both hated me. I discovered that I am a chimera. In short, a vanished twin, rendering me two people in one body.

Finally, I can say I'm not insane. I really do have two brains, two distinct personalities, two distinct genders. My female twin died in 2003 after three years of being in a type of coma called autopilot, similar to PVS, and like a phoenix I emerged from the ashes.

This is my life, love me or hate me. I am gay, living on my own (that does not mean available :D) with my youngest child still left at home. I have ten children altogether, and at the last count five grandchildren. When all else fails, I stick to myself and my faith. The world can be cruel, but nature plays the cruelest tricks of all. Chimeraism is nature's worst jokes, and then denies you the right to laugh.

My family, especially my daughter, is my carer and lifeline. I choose my friends with care and stick by them through thick and thin. They know who they are, and I love them dearly.